"Explain, explain, as I turn to meet the power..."
For the 5 th time in just one month, people have stumped me with this question:
Maybe it's because of quite alot of seniors now opting to work in the faculty. Or maybe it's because of the term "final year" which I'll be entering in a few weeks time.
Hmm...
To answer the question seriously, I don't know. It's not that I'm not worried about the future, I have a rough plan in mind on what I might probably do, but many things can change in just one year that can change that plan. I don't abhor changes, but looking at the way I am now, I'm just too blur and confused to comprehend them. Shaking the foundations of this plan is that 'what if'.
What if the government decided to call me into their service since I'm bonded under their scholarship?
I have very little interest in large animal industry, though goats and poultry are the few of my fav topics after small animal. And to think that the government bond is going to last 7-8 years... That's almost a decade of my life seating in the office doing management work and handling idiosyncrasies from the top departments! I'm not like my dad, patient enough to handle this while surfing through all the paperworks. I love to be in the field, doing work directly on animals, not dealing with management fracas! The only consolation I have is that the past two batches haven't be called yet, so hopefully for my year they won't. But it's hard to say...
What if I don't have the skills that truly pictures a professional veterinarian? I don't want to end up doing lab stuff (no offence to lab workers or those stuck in labs yah!) and not practicing what I've learnt and slaved through all that years! As what the large animal clinician here once mentioned, "You may have all the book knowledge and grades, but when it's different when it comes to actually doing the work". I may have other soft skills, but when it comes to the veterinary profession, do I have what it takes to be a doctor of the sick?
What if I'm not cut out for research works? Or even financially for that matter? I've felt a 'research calling' since the beginning of 4th year (thanks to Research Method, while others don't get it, I do understand it) especially when it comes to small animal parasitology and cardiovascular medicine. But due to the indiscipline attitude of mine, I tend to procrastinate and do things last minute. I have, in my heart, to further on into my masters, if possible outside of Malaysia ever since my dad proposed it to me, but I'm not an A-grade or "OUTSTANDING" student or financially-able for that matter. I don't want my dad to fork out anymore money for me especially when it comes to my siblings to support too. So this option will have to be kept in view until the resources come.
God, when will these uncertainties end?
and now I’m alone ...
"What are you going to do after you graduate?"
Maybe it's because of quite alot of seniors now opting to work in the faculty. Or maybe it's because of the term "final year" which I'll be entering in a few weeks time.
Hmm...
To answer the question seriously, I don't know. It's not that I'm not worried about the future, I have a rough plan in mind on what I might probably do, but many things can change in just one year that can change that plan. I don't abhor changes, but looking at the way I am now, I'm just too blur and confused to comprehend them. Shaking the foundations of this plan is that 'what if'.
What if the government decided to call me into their service since I'm bonded under their scholarship?
I have very little interest in large animal industry, though goats and poultry are the few of my fav topics after small animal. And to think that the government bond is going to last 7-8 years... That's almost a decade of my life seating in the office doing management work and handling idiosyncrasies from the top departments! I'm not like my dad, patient enough to handle this while surfing through all the paperworks. I love to be in the field, doing work directly on animals, not dealing with management fracas! The only consolation I have is that the past two batches haven't be called yet, so hopefully for my year they won't. But it's hard to say...
What if I don't have the skills that truly pictures a professional veterinarian? I don't want to end up doing lab stuff (no offence to lab workers or those stuck in labs yah!) and not practicing what I've learnt and slaved through all that years! As what the large animal clinician here once mentioned, "You may have all the book knowledge and grades, but when it's different when it comes to actually doing the work". I may have other soft skills, but when it comes to the veterinary profession, do I have what it takes to be a doctor of the sick?
What if I'm not cut out for research works? Or even financially for that matter? I've felt a 'research calling' since the beginning of 4th year (thanks to Research Method, while others don't get it, I do understand it) especially when it comes to small animal parasitology and cardiovascular medicine. But due to the indiscipline attitude of mine, I tend to procrastinate and do things last minute. I have, in my heart, to further on into my masters, if possible outside of Malaysia ever since my dad proposed it to me, but I'm not an A-grade or "OUTSTANDING" student or financially-able for that matter. I don't want my dad to fork out anymore money for me especially when it comes to my siblings to support too. So this option will have to be kept in view until the resources come.
God, when will these uncertainties end?
and now I’m alone ...
I’m looking out , I’m looking in,
way down
The lights are dim ...
and now I’m alone
I’m looking out I’m looking in,
way down
The lights are dim ...
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